Creativity As Holy Rebellion
I am setting after creativity as an act of holy rebellion.
A rebellion against the entropy of the world and the chaos of my inner monologue. An act that requires the discipline of mind to set after something and stay after it.
My work has a creative component, which is one of the things I love so much about it. But creativity is nothing without the discipline and tenacity to see the moment of inspiration through to fulfillment.
This is a battle I have always lived in. I find that so often when I have the creative impulse and have scheduled the time to follow it through, I find myself mired in feelings of guilt. I feel guilty for having the privilege of creative and fulfilling work; for my flexible schedule; my warm house; for living in a place surrounded by beauty.
This guilt-spiral can take off and devolve ever darker … or at some point I become aware that I’m back in the familiar wrestle, and remember that this is the least helpful or fruitful way to think:
My mental spin-out helps no one, and actively harms my ability to live purposefully and productively.
It steals my energy from the task at hand; steals my focus from building a kingdom-centered life. It turns me into a drainer in relationships, searching for validation in places (people) that can’t provide it.
Not to mention that it is based on a self-centered mindset and the assumption that everyone else is pursuing the same set of values that I am: flexibility, simplicity, autonomy, creativity. It’s simply not true. I’m comparing myself against a false ideal.
I see how often this happens, especially to women. Our effort and energy are spent on overthinking, shame, guilt, and comparison instead of moving forward in holy boldness; claiming the space we’re meant to fill.
Remembering that all this overthinking is a self centered mindset helps kick me out of the guilt and shame (which are also self centered) and toward a productive place. I remember that space, stillness and settledness are essential to creativity. I can’t create from compulsion, confusion or an unsettled mind.