It had been a full day, coming right off of a full weekend. We celebrated Stella’s 17th birthday and the 10th anniversary of Live Oak Church. We hosted family and reveled in the noise and energy of twice the amount of boys as usual. (And the usual amount is already fairly loud and energetic!) 

President’s Day, I hear, was a holiday and a day off for some, but not for us. In our house it was a day ON. I am not complaining, I love my flexible schedule, but sometimes things hit all at once, and this was one of those times. 

I knew I would feel weary by the close of the day, and I did. As I wrapped up the last task of the day, I habit-clicked onto social media to “unwind” by turning my brain off with a little scroll time. 

I noticed something, though. It seemed every status and updates was just, like, so annoying. I found this one grating, that one irritating, the other just *too* much. And then I remembered – if everything around you is a problem, then you’d better look at the common denominator: you. 

So I clicked the tab closed, and then I could see it - I was just tired. And because I needed rest, my soul and mind were restless. Everything seemed like too much because I was weary and didn’t have the bandwidth for anything more. 

Noticing this felt like a victory bought by years of hard-fought battle. It has taken hard work to grow more self-aware; to notice these small consistent patterns that keep me stuck, and then find healthier ones. It’s been a slow and intentional process of pruning old habits away and cultivating new ones that bring energy and are life-giving. 

The night scroll does neither of those things, but when I am too tired to think anymore, it’s the easiest choice - because it’s a non-choice. My more restful choices include an episode of a favorite funny show with the family, or reading whatever book I’m currently into. (I just finished The Dynasty by Jeff Benedict and I never imagined I’d know this much about Belichick, Kraft & Brady!)  

It’s worth the work of evaluating our habits to ask: What am I looking for here? What do I really need right now? Can this habit provide that? 

Start with your most obvious point of frustration. Make a solid plan for what you can adopt as a new go-to the next time you reach for the old, restless habit. Don’t beat yourself up when you head down that familiar old path, but remind yourself kindly that your old habit no longer serves you, so you’re choosing a new way. 

Today’s practice: Is there a non-restful “rest” habit that you tend to lean on? What kind of truly restful thing can you plan to choose instead?