A Good Apology is One of the Hard Lessons
Apologies are so humbling.
Last fall, I challenged Brian to either stop talking a big game about how fast he thought he could probably run a 5K, or to actually DO it!!
He decided to sign up and run one with me. Victory!
On our way to the race, I nervous-chattered the whole way there and he had no idea why a 5K would make me nervous. I knew I was going to run hard enough that it would hurt. He really didn’t have any idea what that was about, but his plan was to just try and keep up with me. I scoffed - I’d been training consistently and he’d only gone out for a couple of jogs. I couldn’t wait to see him humbled.
It was a tough race for both of us. At 1.5 miles I was surprised to turn and find out that the set of footsteps I heard right behind me? Brian’s. He was keeping pace with me – without any training. I did out-kick him in the end, but he wasn’t far behind. He even got an age group medal to match mine! Look how happy we both are with our medals and all those endorphins :)
I decided to be happy for him rather than indignant that he can keep a pace that I have to consistently train to achieve. And … I did have to apologize for being so certain he wouldn’t be able to keep up. Who’s humbled now?! Ouch.
It’s really embarrassing for me to admit that for a long time I never apologized to Brian. But it’s true.
Scripture has a lot to say about forgiveness. But the Biblical perspective is freeing. It puts the focus back on my choice to do what is right. A choice I can make for myself even if the other person never steps forward to make amends. I decided to write about what I learned in this YouVersion plan. It was a vulnerable thing to write about since it was such a hard lesson personally.
For a long time, I thought that having a good reason for my actions excused me from needing to apologize. But a marriage can’t last the long haul without both apologies and forgiveness, freely given.
And not a lame halfway version. A good-for-nothing apology only makes things worse. This quote sticks with me: "A good apology is like antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound." - Randy Pausch via James Clear .
I love that we get to keep learning together. Challenging what we know ourselves to be and working to keep growing. A good apology is one of the hardest, realest and most important things I have learned.
Here’s the 5-Day plan on YouVersion:
https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/37438-learning-to-apologize-well-in-marriage
I hope you will check it out if this is something you’ve struggled with too!
