Why I Can’t Keep NOT Writing About Church
I haven’t wanted to write all my thoughts about Church because, to put it bluntly, I have often found church people to be judgy.
I don’t want to write, knowing as I do that in this world, anything you say or do can and will be used against you. As I type, I can already feel my words being read and picked apart by the people predisposed to dislike me; those who have no trust for me or for someone like me.
I know from experience that to be in ministry is to know that church people are watching – always watching – sometimes with pen in hand to take notes on the ways your words and deeds fall short or fail to display the character of Christ in ways they agree with.
Yet in church, I’ve found others who are earnest, genuine, generous and seeking to live a life marked by love.
And if I really face the facts, I know I’ve been both types.
I was born into a ministry family, then accidentally married into another so Church has shaped my life for all 42 of my years (except my first year or so of college - but that’s another story,) and I have wrestled a lot with the gap between those two types of people; between actually following the way of Jesus, and the capital C Church being all that it is in present culture.
I want to write these things out. Writing has always offered me a helpful way to sort things out. In addition, it’s always been my belief that when I deal with something real, hard, visceral, trying, it’s best to share: Somewhere, someone else is living out all the same things, wondering, like me, if they’re alone in this; not sure who can relate.I have benefited so much from reading something that allows me the lightbulb moment of, “ah, it’s NOT just me!”
We are always better off when we know we’re not alone in it. And I know I’m not the only one processing; living based on the way of Jesus, yet grappling uncomfortably with the sphere that places me in.
As much as I don’t want to write, I know that working through the real, hard parts of life, not trying to ignore them, is the way to grow through them. It’s not a perfect process, but it is essential.
Reflections on Epiphany
January 6th is Epiphany, the 12th day of Christmas and the holiday commemorating the arrival of the Magi after their long journey Westward to worship the new king, Jesus.
Matthew 2 tells the story like this:
“After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, ‘Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.’ When King Herod heard this he was disturbed, and all Jerusalem with him” (verses 1-3).
I interpret “Magi” as sort of an old-timey Bible word for “kings,” since in the Christmas story we also know the Magi by the titles “kings” and “wise men;” AKA the characters who wear fancy robes. But seeking some perspective on their arrival to Jerusalem from afar, we can appreciate that on arrival they would be fish out of water.
We don’t know that much about them, but study notes will show that they were possibly sorcerers or practitioners of black magic and astrology (thus noticing, and following, the star!) At any rate, they were certainly Gentiles; outsiders, “other.”
And while the Jewish people did not regard the new king as such, these outsiders did. They traveled a great distance to find him, bringing valuable gifts to signify their intentions as humble worshipers.
It’s rare for even a neighbor to show up unannounced, but if a group of total strangers, dressed like they’re not from ‘round here and smelling strongly of frankincense and myrrh, knocked on my door; how would I respond? Well, I’m not sure, but I know for sure ’d be nervous! We do need to note here that God had invited them, and led them the whole way with that remarkable star.
So if all Jerusalem was not actively aware of Jesus as the “new king,” why was “all Jerusalem disturbed” when the Magi came to find him?
I typically read this wondering if the people were bothered because they feared a new king overtaking Herod’s position. This is where study notes are supremely helpful. Reading this story as part of “the Christmas story,” we miss the context of Herod’s reign and reputation: The people were disturbed because they feared Herod’s reaction. They were well aware of his tendency to resort to violence when faced with any threat to his power.
This instance would be no different, as his killing of an entire vintage of baby and toddler boys would prove:
“Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the wise men, became furious, and he sent and killed all the male children in Bethlehem and in all that region who were two years old or under, according to the time that he had ascertained from the wise men,” Matthew 2:16.
On Epiphany 2021, I refused to watch the live footage as angry and unhinged rioters overtook our nation’s Capitol in defense of another power-hungry leader’s paranoid power grabs. It was Epiphany, after all, the final day of Christmas and a sacred respite from all that January entails. And since our Christmas celebration had been derailed by a case of Covid, I was determined not to lose this day as well.
I haven’t always celebrated the holiday. I only learned about it in recent years through the beloved Sacred Ordinary Days planner, and immediately fell in love with one more chance to celebrate the season during the dark days of January. The decorations may be down and schedules may be back to normal, but we still get this little oasis of reflection, candlelight, and festivity.
This weekend as I read Matthew 2, part of the Epiphany Scripture reading, I absorbed a new awareness of why “all Jerusalem was disturbed” along with Herod, as I saw it reflected in my own experience of a self-serving President willing to throw a nation into chaos in hopes of protecting his power. Power trips are nothing new; they weren’t new in Herod’s day, and there’s hardly been a respite in these intervening years.
And this reaffirms why a King who comes in humility is such Good News.
A King who never once sought power - though authority was (and is) His already - but emptied himself again and again in service of His redemptive mission.
Herod was enraged because the Magi’s quest to find the “new king” challenged his power and position. But Mary and Joseph received them and their gifts, and invited them in to see and to worship the child.
What does accepting Jesus change about you?
How does it challenge your perspective of the world around you?
21 Ways to Have More Energy, Now!
If you’re weary and worn down today, this freebie was made with you in mind!
In my family we have a policy: When any one of us is feeling down, we are always allowed to ask each other the obvious questions. Are you drinking water? Have you eaten enough? Taking your vitamins? Getting fresh air, sunlight and good sleep?
Because when you’re depleted, it takes energy you don’t have to see past survival mode.That is why I created the 15-Day Feel Better Challenge. This 15-day plan helps you break out of the habits that are exhausting you and recharge your energy. It’s drawn from 15 steps that have helped me to personally find mental clarity, reduce stress and have more energy; habits that have freed me up and helped ground me.
Things like breaking out of negative thought patterns, discovering which forms of relaxation are actually draining you even more, and taking small, sustainable steps toward the life you really want to live.
But I know a 15-Day Challenge isn't for everyone. Sometimes you just need a nudge to make sure you're doing the small things required to take good care of yourself. That's why I'm offering the 21 Quick Energy Tips Cheat Sheet as a freebie.
The Cheat Sheet is a sweet secret weapon included as a helpful extra in the Feel Better Challenge. It gives you 21 simple ways to get the quick boost you need right now. If you’re desperate to feel more energized today, this one's for you!
Click here to grab your free 21 Quick Energy Tips Cheat Sheet.
Take a page from my family’s book and allow me to ask the obvious. Do the simple things that help you take good care of yourself and better steward this life you’ve been given. A Good Apology is One of the Hard Lessons
Apologies are so humbling.
Last fall, I challenged Brian to either stop talking a big game about how fast he thought he could probably run a 5K, or to actually DO it!!
He decided to sign up and run one with me. Victory!
On our way to the race, I nervous-chattered the whole way there and he had no idea why a 5K would make me nervous. I knew I was going to run hard enough that it would hurt. He really didn’t have any idea what that was about, but his plan was to just try and keep up with me. I scoffed - I’d been training consistently and he’d only gone out for a couple of jogs. I couldn’t wait to see him humbled.
It was a tough race for both of us. At 1.5 miles I was surprised to turn and find out that the set of footsteps I heard right behind me? Brian’s. He was keeping pace with me – without any training. I did out-kick him in the end, but he wasn’t far behind. He even got an age group medal to match mine! Look how happy we both are with our medals and all those endorphins :)
I decided to be happy for him rather than indignant that he can keep a pace that I have to consistently train to achieve. And … I did have to apologize for being so certain he wouldn’t be able to keep up. Who’s humbled now?! Ouch.
It’s really embarrassing for me to admit that for a long time I never apologized to Brian. But it’s true.
Scripture has a lot to say about forgiveness. But the Biblical perspective is freeing. It puts the focus back on my choice to do what is right. A choice I can make for myself even if the other person never steps forward to make amends. I decided to write about what I learned in this YouVersion plan. It was a vulnerable thing to write about since it was such a hard lesson personally.
For a long time, I thought that having a good reason for my actions excused me from needing to apologize. But a marriage can’t last the long haul without both apologies and forgiveness, freely given.
And not a lame halfway version. A good-for-nothing apology only makes things worse. This quote sticks with me: "A good apology is like antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound." - Randy Pausch via James Clear .
I love that we get to keep learning together. Challenging what we know ourselves to be and working to keep growing. A good apology is one of the hardest, realest and most important things I have learned.
Here’s the 5-Day plan on YouVersion:
https://www.bible.com/reading-plans/37438-learning-to-apologize-well-in-marriage
I hope you will check it out if this is something you’ve struggled with too!
How to Get Out of Survival Mode
Life doesn’t feel very good when you’re exhausted. It’s harder to be patient, present and kind. It’s harder to enjoy life.
Feeling overtired, overworked or overwhelmed? I’ve got you!
There are simple ways to start reclaiming your time and energy that can have an impact right away.
We have to start by talking about wasted time.
When it comes to time wasting, I am (unfortunately) a bit of an expert. After almost 20 (!) years of marriage, Brian will affirm that I have always been surprisingly good at wasting time, and one of the easiest ways for me to do that is by getting stuck in indecision. The dreaded “analysis paralysis” can strike with decisions large or small.
Dinner at a new restaurant with a menu I’ve never seen? Or at a familiar restaurant, but now there’s a lot of noise and folks are bustling around? (Or, really, any situation where decision making and a noisy environment collide.) Get comfortable, because it’s going to take me a while to narrow down the choices. And forget choosing paint colors for the house - that took months!
And that’s just indecision-induced time waste.
There are also plenty of time wasters that come a la carte. Things that drag me straight down the rabbit hole. These may be innocuous enough. The content is not objectionable, it’s fine at face value, but the “off” switch they give my brain means I can get stuck with them for much longer than I intended.
The first experience I had with that degree of time-drain was the old computer game Snood, (click at your own time-waste risk!) which was sort of like the Candy Crush of its day. This was the first addictive thing I found on the internet, long before social media made the endless scroll a thing. It’s a mindless enough activity that I could keep consuming game after game on repeat, lulled into total time-unawareness.
I remember sitting at the big old desktop computer in my family’s home office as a high schooler, eyes burning from exhaustion, and thinking “just one more game” ... for at least 8 more games!
And of course that’s not where it ends. Being a full time mom to two toddlers and a baby was a really hard season for me in terms of time wasting. I often felt so overwhelmed by the pile of laundry that needed folding that I’d avoid it, which meant that the already-overwhelming pile continued to grow as I’d dump another clean load on top. The pile just sat there, a constant reminder of my un-productivity, until I finally got the moxie to make a move. By this point, so much laundry had accumulated that it had become a real chore, not a simple 10-minute 1-basket task.
Living in survival mode was exhausting. And my nasty habit of putting off dreaded tasks for later didn’t help. I was still just as tired later, plus now there was even more piled up to take care of!
When time-waste tempts us to stay a while longer, it feels like a break. A rest. But I’ve learned the hard way that most time-wasters aren’t restful, they’re just mindless.
Mindless things trick us into thinking we’re relaxed and rested, but they rarely refresh. Rather than bringing real rest or better energy, they simply suppress the mental noise for a short(ish) while. I might feel like my mind has been cleared, but it’s all waiting there, to be remembered either when I finally shut down that old iMac or the next morning when the alarm went off way too early and the day’s tasks loomed larger than life in comparison to the depleted energy levels with which I faced them.
I learned through experience that life just doesn’t feel good when you’re exhausted. It’s harder to be patient, present and kind. It’s harder to enjoy life.
As a follower of Jesus, I believe he meant what he said when he stated that, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10.)
If I believe Him, why does “life to the full” sometimes feel so far out of reach?
I think one main reason is that when we’re stressed, overworked, overtired or overwhelmed, it is especially hard to see how our habits and choices are contributing to that. It’s nearly impossible to take a step back and get a fresh perspective when you’re in the thick of maintaining what’s required for daily life. But once you do take a step back, you can more easily assess what’s working and what’s wearing you down.
If you’re there right now, there is hope! There are simple ways to start reclaiming your time and energy that can have an impact right away.
I created the 15-Day Energy Recharge Challenge based on some of the steps that best help me to reclaim my time and energy. It’s a set of simple steps to help streamline and focus your mental load. It’s a guided plan to help you get out of the ruts that are exhausting you and to recharge your energy. I’ve broken the steps into do-able daily actions that don’t require purchases or planning ahead (except for one! Full disclosure, Day 14 will ask you to make a plan!)
If you’re looking for a starting place to get rid of the mental clutter and restless relaxation, this is for you. If you’re ready for a change, but don’t know where to start, this is for you. If you’re unsatisfied with life right now, but don’t have time or money for an overhaul, this is for you.
Sharing the processes that help me is a bit of sweet redemption to the many lessons learned through failure. If you’re ready for some changes, this is a great place to start.
Small Changes: Kicking My Snooze Habit
I never believed I could do it. But the most effective small change I made was kicking my snooze habit.
I can’t stress enough how much of a non-morning person I was. I was such a committed “snooze” button user that in college my roommates would wake me up when they got fed up hearing my alarm go off repeatedly while I just kept snoozing away. I relied on those 9-minute increments of sleep, but it was precarious. If I accidentally hit the button one too many times in my sleepy state, the whole morning routine was thrown off and I was a frantic mess.
Waking up that way I already felt like I was behind for the day, right from the start. I wasn’t getting quality sleep to refresh me, and I dragged into each new day rather than waking up with purpose and intention for the day.
Committing to hop up with the first sound of the alarm changed my whole day. I now had extra time in the day that I used to snooze through. Rather than feeling rushed and behind, I felt like I’d already won the day, which energized me to take charge of my schedule. I never, ever believed I could get up early. But committing to follow through on my actual wake up time, not my wake up time plus six 9-minute snooze intervals, made a big difference.
What’s one small change that makes a big difference for you?
Kicking the snooze habit is one way I took a small step that made a huge difference. The small steps like this have been so helpful I combined several of them in my Energy Recharge Challenge.
In this challenge, I share 15 of the most effective and helpful small steps that help me live with purpose and productivity, in an approachable format designed to help you reclaim your energy and ditch the habits that drag you down.